Fs, Buts And Maybes

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Morocco (I think!), 2012

In the House of Commons, here in the UK, when the MPs have voted the result may well be that “the Ayes have it”. (‘Aye’ is pronounced ‘I’.) Well, unlike the House of Commons, in the house of Bossymamma it is the Fs that have it: Fibro Fog, Fibro Feet, Fumbling Fibro Fingers, Fatigue and Freezing [cold]. And I’m Fed up with it!

Let’s go through those and explain all the joys of the Fs.

Fibro Fog has been making itself felt over the past few weeks, in subtle ways rather than the full-blown muzzy headedness. I have found that simple things have been the ones that my brain hasn’t dealt with very well: for example, hearing “Monday”, repeating “Monday” but writing down “Wednesday”, or reading an instruction, apparently understanding that instruction, and then doing something completely different! One way in which the Fibro Fog has been particularly irritating is when I am knitting. Usually I can knit happily away making whatever takes my fancy. Hmph. Recently I have lost count of the number of times I have had to unpick my knitting because of silly mistakes that I would normally make only rarely. Very annoying.

Next we have the myriad delights of Fibro Feet. Oh, what would life be without Fibro Feet? For, literally, decades I have had hot feet. Admittedly, I don’t like having hot feet but that’s another matter. Now, however, I often have cold feet which, in itself, is not a problem: I simply put on a pair of socks. That’s fine until Fibro Feet decide to kick in [apologies for the unintended pun]. The internal temperature of my feet rockets, the knives start stabbing every part of my feet, the pain intensifies etc. etc. and I just don’t know what to do with my feet.

Now, Fumbling Fibro Fingers haven’t happened much up until now. The most notable occasion that they decided to play was when I was on at a hand sewing workshop – it was very inconvenient. So, Fumbling Fibro Fingers decided they were lonely and wanted to come for an extended visit. Gee, thanks, boys! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is when your fingers are following a different set of instructions from those your brain are giving them? Not only that, but they decide that not more than two fingers will work at any one time and when the next two join in, they will actually be following a third set of instructions that are in Japanese! I’ll just remind you of my love of knitting, here…

Fatigue. Need I say more?

Freezing? In September? In England? Surely not? Hmph. Surely, YES… I should say that this is possibly (or probably) nothing to do with fibromyalgia, but it’s happening now because I have been another sort of unwell and it’s adding to my fedupness.

I hope that my fedupness will soon be over and life will be more like my normal soon. I expect you are, too, so that my next post is not so grumpy.  Fumbling Fibro Fingers crossed!

 

 

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Posted in 'snot fair, Cold feet, Coping, Day to day life, Fatigue, Feet, Fibro Fog, Fingers, Temperature | Leave a comment

It’s VERY Expensive!

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Not very welcoming, is it?

FPR’s mother is still in hospital, with all that it entails. She rings me, asking if I will do something for her, then gives instructions in her own particular way. Often the tasks are clearly unnecessary and unlikely to yield any positive result, which makes it difficult to be enthusiastic in the carrying out of them. The trouble is that these tasks take a heavy toll. They drain what little energy I have – and, believe me, it is very little.

You know what it’s like when someone is in hospital: there are telephone calls, more telephone calls and even more telephone calls; chasing round trying to find things the patient has asked for; walking and caring for the patient’s dog; miles and miles of extra driving, much of it on unfamiliar routes; meals at peculiar times because of visiting hours and travelling time to and from the hospital; trying to fit in ordinary day-to-day appointments, and so on. Then there’s the cost…

The cost I am talking about isn’t financial, it’s physical. I am feeling constantly drained and, because I am so exhausted, that is interfering with my sleep pattern. For the past couple of weeks I have been lucky to manage four or five hours at night, and, on several occasions, it has been much less than that. It is taking a heavy toll. The more tired I become, the more problems I encounter with my sleeping, the more pain I have, the foggier my brain is and the more unwell I feel.

As I said, it’s very expensive.

Posted in Coping, Day to day life, Fatigue, Fibro Fog, Pain, Sleep, Sleeping, Tiredness | Leave a comment

The Pleasure And The Pain

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Sunset at Stepping Hill Hospital, 29 August 2017

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am very fortunate as pain is not a large part of my fibromyalgia. I hope new readers will accept that fibro isn’t always all about pain.

FPR’s mother has recently been sampling the delights of the NHS, as delivered by Stepping Hill Hospital, which is to the south of Stockport in Cheshire. We live on the northern fringes of Greater Manchester which means there are quite a few miles, and an awful lot of traffic between there and here! Even though I love driving my car and find it less tiring to drive than my previous one, sitting in traffic is no joy.

On Tuesday of this week, FPR and I set off with Lettie, m-i-l’s best-ever black labrador, on a hospital visit. Having made an early start, we had decided, for various reasons, that we would return home before the rush hour. There were a couple of tasks that I was hoping to complete for m-i-l that day which was why we set off when we did. Yes, well, the best laid plans and all that. I think it fair to say that our day did not go as planned – it felt rather like swimming in custard with an anchor tied to the ankles.

Due to a particular problem that cropped up, and a poor decision made by me, we ended up getting home much later than anticipated – but at least I had the pleasure of having completed everything I had hoped to! Oh my goodness, though, have I suffered for it!

On Wednesday, I had a quiet day. I knew I needed to be careful having had such a full-on day on Tuesday and I was feeling a bit tired. No, that’s not quite it. I felt a bit ‘squashy’. By that I mean that my brain was foggy, and my body felt like the physical equivalent of that, resulting in an overall feeling of squashy-ness. I gently plodded through the day, doing a bit of knitting, a bit of reading, spending a bit of time on my iPad – nothing too strenuous – and feeling very pleased with myself. Oops, that last bit was a mistake.

On Thursday I felt diabolical. I was so fatigued, I couldn’t even reach the dizzy heights of squashy-ness. I took things very easy. I did less knitting, no reading and less time on my iPad, but, even so, I felt worse as the day wore on. By the time 4.00pm came I knew I needed to go to bed. I usually avoid sleeping in bed during the day as I tend to recover my energy better after resting (with or without sleeping) in my recliner chair. However, sometimes that just isn’t enough, and that’s what was happening on Thursday: I wasn’t only feeling completely exhausted, I was feeling decidedly ill and nauseous – and it was getting worse with every step I took. Going up the stairs was quite interesting as I had to stop after every couple of steps.

I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. Zonk!

I awoke at around 6.00pm for three or four minutes and then zonked out again until about 7.00pm. I felt very much better than I had before I went to bed, but I still didn’t feel great. However, I did improve as the evening wore on until, by the time I was thinking of going to bed, I was wide awake and raring to go. I stayed up a bit longer, doing things that should prepare one for sleep, then retired to bed. I lay in bed, wide awake, for a couple of hours then gave up trying to sleep and got up again. I eventually fell asleep in my chair for an hour and a half or so and that was it until Friday night. Consequently, I wasn’t full of beans on Friday either. Unbelievably, the fatigue and exhaustion were still hanging over me yesterday!

I had the pleasure of doing everything I had planned to on Tuesday, but, my goodness, I have paid for it with the psychological pain of fatigue and exhaustion that I have suffered since.

 

Posted in Achievement, Bad day, Choices, Coping, Day to day life, Decisions, Fatigue, Lacklustre, Nausea, Pain, Sleeping, Symptoms, Tiredness | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

And Now, Here Is The Weather Forecast

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Warning sign on the outskirts of Longyearbyen, Spitsbergen, Svalbard

I was thinking, only fairly recently, that I seem to be escaping Fibro Fog. I had noticed signs of Fibro Fog soon after my diagnosis, but it hadn’t hung around long. Oh, how easy it is to deceive oneself! I was conveniently ignoring the more subtle manifestations of Fibro Fog. Actually, I don’t believe I was deliberately ignoring them: I simply wasn’t recognising them for what they were. As I look back, I reealise the signs were there, all along.

In my defence, I believe some of the problem is connected to the long-standing anxiety and depression that I have. I think there is a considerable overlap between the effects of those and the Fibro Fog: it really isn’t easy to define where one ends and the other begins. Mind you, it probably doesn’t matter, does it? Whatever you call what happens to my brain, the effects are pretty much the same.

Events this week have shown just how muzzy the workings of my brain now are. It has been a shock, both to FPR and to me. Throughout our relationship, it has tended to be me who has dealt with the admin-type stuff in the household, and it has worked well – until now… However, this week, we have both seen some of the strange mistakes I have made. Some of the mistakes are amusing, but some could (and almost did) have serious consequences. It is quite a concern. Not only that, but it is annihilating my self-esteem. I had already accepted that my ability to cope has shrivelled away, but now I have to face the fact that what is in my head is not necessarily the same as what I see, hear or say.

I feel like an idiot. It is difficult for me to trust or believe in myself so heaven only knows how FPR is going to cope with it.

Believe me, it ain’t nice.

Posted in Anxiety, Changes, Coping, Day to day life, Fibro Fog, Fibro Warrior, Stress, Symptoms | Leave a comment

One Thing Leads To Another

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Morocco, February 2012

This week, FPR and I returned from a much-needed and long-awaited holiday. Despite all the “stuff” that has been going on, I think we both benefitted from the holiday. I found that often I needed to sleep after breakfast and, again, before dinner but was able to do all sorts of things during the times that I was awake, so the Fibro wasn’t causing me any particular problems.

During the last few days of our holiday I received a message and dealt with its contents, but it did leave a slightly unpleasant taste in my mouth. Yesterday the same issue arose again. I thought it had been successfully dealt with but, like a loose tooth, it keeps nagging away. Unfortunately, for the past year, I have been completely unable to cope with unpleasantness or stress which has meant that the current matter has knocked me out of kilter. That has affected my mood and state of mind which has, in turn, affected the Fibro. The sorts of symptoms I am experiencing are mainly brain fog – which is a nuisance as I need to sort my medication into the daily boxes – and sudden bursts of pain. I haven’t had the pain appear like this before: it’s almost as if the pain is saying “If you prod the fibro, it will make me leap up and make myself felt”. So…

I would like to send a huge “thank you” to everyone involved in nudging the Fibro monster into action: it was exactly what I needed to help dispel the “feel good” factor that I brought back from holiday.

Posted in Coping, Day to day life, Fatigue, Fibro Fog, Fibro Warrior, Pain, Stress, Symptoms | Leave a comment

Something, Or Not Something?

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Longyearbyen, Spitsbergen. August 2017

It’s been a bit of a break since my last post because not much has been happening, although quite a bit has been happening. Sounds like nonsense, doesn’t it? It isn’t nonsense, honestly.

As far as the Fibro is concerned, it’s true that not much has been happening – well, until the past few days. Where Life is concerned, things have been rather different, however. For a change, the Stuff has been happening in FPR’s family, not mine, but it does have an effect on me, of course.

What I have found is that the happening of Stuff has been accompanied by tiredness. I hesitate to call it fatigue as it hasn’t been quite like fatigue. The tiredness has been a slight nuisance, nothing more, except…

At the weekend, I went out with my son and his family for lunch at a local garden centre. I had hoped to accompany them to where they were going in the afternoon but didn’t feel quite up to it. During lunch we agreed that I would run an errand, to save him some time. When I moved in my chair to stand up, it became obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to fulfil that undertaking: I could feel Fatigue rushing towards me.

We headed towards the Exit, pausing to look at a display. As far as I was concerned, that pause was a mistake so I left them and returned home. By the time I got home I was shattered. In fact, I felt quite unwell. Throughout the afternoon and evening that feeling didn’t abate and, by the time I went to bed, my body felt alien. I had begun to feel pains in my arms that I hadn’t felt before. They differed from the pains I had been experiencing prior to taking turmeric – certainly, they felt sharper. Those pains continued through to the next day. I am sure that they were a direct result of me feeling so tired. Consequently, I feel that I need to avoid extreme tiredness, as far as I am able. Of course, it is not always possible, but I will certainly try. Maybe, it was coincidence and the Fibro has moved on a bit, but it has to be worth trying to avoid something that gives a good impression of a trigger.

* I drafted this post a couple of weeks ago but haven’t been able to publish it because accessing the internet has been difficult.

Posted in Coping, Day to day life, Fatigue, Learning, Stress, Tiredness | Leave a comment

This Week I Have Been Mainly…

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No. Only one pair is mine.

Wasn’t The Fast Show great? (That’s where I borrowed this title from.) My family and I all loved it. Anyway, I digress.

This week I have been mainly suffering from…

Fibro Feet.

Don’t know what Fibro Feet is or are? Allow me to enlighten you, well, at least as to what Fibro Feet means for me.

It begins with a warm feeling in my feet which increases in intensity until my feet feel as though they are burning inside. The transition can be slow or fast. Surprisingly, if you were to touch my feet (which, by the way, is a very bad idea as I am so ticklish!), they wouldn’t feel any warmer than most people’s. Odd, huh? The next stage is the barely discernible transformation of the burning sensation into a feeling that, mainly the soles of both feet, are being stabbed repeatedly by red hot knives. That can last for five minutes or five hours – there’s just no way of predicting how long it will be. It makes walking painful and unpleasant: try imagining that when each step lands it feels as though the sole of your foot is being pierced all over by red hot, rusty nails.

Fibro Feet doesn’t always make me feel as though my feet are red hot, though. At other times there is little or no feeling of increasing heat in them. What I experience is the sensation of walking on shards of glass, lots of shards of glass, which are cutting my feet to shreds. This sensation is even worse that the hot knives one because, unlike the first one I explained, this one feels just as awful when I am sitting with my feet up, as it does when I am trying to walk. I have to admit that I try to avoid walking when my feet are feeling this way as it hurts so much.

There doesn’t appear to be any way of predicting when Fibro Feet will saunter into my day, nor how long it will hang around, but there’s no mistaking when it’s here.

 

Posted in Coping, Day to day life, Feet, Fibro Warrior, Pain, Shards of glass, Walking | Leave a comment