This week I splurged many of my precious spoons (Spoon Theory) on just one task: gymnastics. Specifically, jumping through hoops. More specifically, jumping through the particular hoops one has to negotiate when applying for a Blue Disabled Parking Badge (“Blue Badge“).
I first began researching eligibility for a Blue Badge several months ago. I don’t fulfil any of the criteria to automatically qualify for a Badge so I wanted time to think about and prepare my application. It’s a funny thing, part of my rôle as a Financial Assessment and Benefits Officer, was to complete countless forms of many different types. I used to joke with clients (I refuse to call people ‘Service Users’!) that on my gravestone would be inscribed the words “She could fill in forms” because I spent so much time filling in all those black boxes. You would think that applying for a Blue Badge for myself would be a doddle, wouldn’t you? Well, you’d be wrong. In common with many other people, when faced with an important form to complete regarding my own circumstances, I become really anxious and lacking in confidence. And, my goodness, did the Blue Badge application form do that for me…
I’m not sure of the reason for my anxiety being so acute. I think it may have been because I was worried that if I was refused a Badge, I wouldn’t be permitted to make another application for quite a while. The boundaries of my world have shrunk considerably over the last few months. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself and my ability to cope alone when I go out. I panic at the thought that I won’t find a parking space very close to where I need to go. Having had several falls and near misses, it feels as though I am more likely to fall than not whenever I walk outside. The whole situation is making me increasingly fearful of going out alone. I really do feel that I should have a Blue Badge.
I actually began the application process for a Badge several times, but I didn’t finish it. I would save what I had done online but then not complete it within the two week limit. I kept drafting and re-drafting my replies to two of the questions, worrying over them, asking FPR to read them and asking his opinion. It was a very stressful process. However, I finally screwed up my courage a few days ago and completed the entire form. And I even submitted it! I received an acknowledgement and an appointment for my assessment at the end of June. I printed a copy of my application, as I like to be able to see what I have written on official forms. Also, I wanted to send a copy of my application to the Amazing Dr Azeer. He and I had discussed my applying for a Blue Badge and he had said he would be happy to support my application. I felt it would be wise to send him up-to-date about my condition as I have deteriorated since my last consulation with him. I have been terribly efficient and written to the Amazing Dr Azeer, sending the copy.
Now all I have to do is wait for my assessment – and hope like mad for the decision to go in my favour. Fingers crossed!