My First Day Following Diagnosis

Yesterday my GP confirmed the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.

I was so disappointed. He had mentioned Fibro before as a possibility, but we had also talked about post-viral malaise and I had tried so hard to be optimistic. That in itself is unusual as I am normally a pessimist, as my younger son would tell you.

Being told I have Fibro has resurrected feelings of failure in me. I know that there is no need or reason for me to consider myself a failure, but I do. I don’t have to explain or justify those feelings but I will try to explain.

I have long-term anxiety and depression. That fact, in itself, causes me to feel like a hackneyed old cliche: middle-aged woman suffering with her nerves. However, it also makes me feel that I have failed my sons and my grandchildren. I know that there are times when my sons become more concerned about me and that makes me feel worse, as though I am a drain on them. Little Sis worries about me which increases the pressure I feel under. I know it’s lovely that people care, but it can also be rather onerous. Luckily, Little Sis understands that when something knocks me down I don’t usually want to talk for a while. That was definitely how I felt yesterday. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. Oh, I rang my mother to tell her about the diagnosis but, apart from my partner, I didn’t speak to anyone else about it. What I did do was put it as my status on Facebook. Usually I would pour scorn on someone who shares information of that sort on their status, but I wanted, or maybe needed, other people to know – I just didn’t want to talk to them. Being the awful mother that I am, I left it for my sons to find out by reading my status. Both of them knew it was a possibility and both had been showing signs of heightened concern, so obviously they needed to know, but I simply couldn’t muster what I needed to talk to them. Sorry, boys. I love you both dearly and I hate being the cause of any worry for you, but I needed to be selfish last night.I

I received lots of lovely supportive messages on Facebook which gave me a lovely warm feeling inside but I still felt really miserable.

When my GP first mentioned Fibromyalgia I did the usual thing of looking it up on the internet – but I soon gave that up! I knew that if I continued reading about it I was likely to talk myself into many of the symptoms. In any event, I know several people who have Fibro, and I knew I could ask them if I had any questions. However, now that I have received an actual diagnosis I need to find out more.

I have been reading about it this morning and have recognised some of the symptoms. Oh dear! It’s making it more difficult to believe that it’s not really fibro. I decided that it would probably help me if I wrote a diary about my Fibro Life and it might also help those closest to me to understand how things are for me.

 

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About Bossymamma

Bossymamma's Fibro Diary charts how I feel and how I cope with Fibromyalgia and the effects it has on me and my life. Writing it helps me and, maybe, reading it will help someone else. Bossymamma's Ramblings is exactly that! It may be me chuntering on about life. It could be a short story I've written. You never know, it might even be a poem! Little by Little by Bossymamma is about all things crafty.
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6 Responses to My First Day Following Diagnosis

  1. You tend to write things off your mind I think … from what I’ve seen so far … keep on doing that and people will understand if talking is not your first thing … your family knows you after all 🙂 … keep taking it day by day … and don’t beat yourself up so if you can help it XXX (())

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  2. Anne Greenhalgh says:

    Good for you Dina. Turning a negative into a ‘not so’ negative. You have very unselfishly decided to do this, which will not only help current sufferers but also people who are still waiting to be diagnosed. Most of us when diagnosed thought of no-one but ourselves – good for you – just goes to show you can’t keep a good Bossymamma down – well not for long!!

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  3. z4zed says:

    Take care of yourself first and I find the rest eventually follows. 🙂

    Like

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