This Is Chronic

Right up until my GP confirmed the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia last week I was looking upon the tiredness as temporary. Although, when he first mentioned Fibro as a possibility, I had looked on the internet to find out a bit about it, I very quickly decided that I didn’t want it to be that and so I wasn’t going to talk myself into the symptoms. That decision went deeper than I realised. I think making that decision had triggered something deep in my brain so that I simply assumed, then unknowingly believed, that the tiredness was temporary.

Now that I have been given the diagnosis my attitude to the tiredness has changed. This is it. This tiredness is it. This is chronic. Admitting that to myself feels like a life sentence. Oh, I know that Fibro won’t kill me, but it’s likely to be around until I die. Even if I don’t have it for the rest of my life, I shall have it for the foreseeable future. That means I have to find a way of living with it. A way of living with the almost continual tiredness.

I think Peter is already finding it difficult to cope with me being almost constantly tired and falling asleep at the drop of a hat. I know that he is worried about how I will cope with our trip to Antarctica and I can understand why he is.

When it comes to me coping with the tiredness, I have realised that, since my diagnosis, I am treating it differently and reacting to it differently. I am trying to pace myself so that I don’t become too tired, but then that it almost like ‘giving in’ and I don’t want to do that. However, if I don’t give in, the tiredness could become much worse and make me feel generally less well. I have become almost frightened of the tiredness.

And then there’s the pain…

Although the pain remains at a level where I can easily cope with it, it has spread over a wider area and become more persistent. It has also started in another area. It’s becoming scary. I don’t like pain: I don’t cope with it at all well. I don’t want to know about the pain. I don’t want other sufferers to tell me about it. Perhaps, as my head is so deeply buried in the sand when it comes to learning about pain, I won’t be able to hear what they say.

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About Bossymamma

Bossymamma's Fibro Diary charts how I feel and how I cope with Fibromyalgia and the effects it has on me and my life. Writing it helps me and, maybe, reading it will help someone else. Bossymamma's Ramblings is exactly that! It may be me chuntering on about life. It could be a short story I've written. You never know, it might even be a poem! Little by Little by Bossymamma is about all things crafty.
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2 Responses to This Is Chronic

  1. Mrs elizabeth edwards says:

    You are not giving in if you paces yourself you my find that you can manage it a little bit better liz

    Like

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