Actually this post is not so much about self-confidence as about coping with day-to-day life.
I mentioned in a recent post that I tend to be the one in the family who sorts things out. My style is “bossy”. No, that’s just how it comes across. Really my style is “push ahead so that doubts don’t have a chance to make me crumble”. Well, that style is not working at the moment. Fibro appears to be playing “hide and seek” with my ability to just push on and do things.
Today we are heading off for a visit to my mother for several days. I always pack my case at the last minute – if I do it earlier I forget things. So, at about 8.30 pm yesterday I began my packing. At 8.45pm all that was left to do was sort out my medication. Oh, and that’s when my troubles began. When I went to pull out what I needed I had run out of THREE different drugs. I also realised that I don’t have sufficient supplies of Gabapentin to carry me to when my GP wants to see me. I had submitted a request for a repeat prescription for all but the Gabapentin at the weekend but I did not have what I needed to pack.
I went into meltdown.
I was trying to calculate what I needed to pack but kept getting confused about what I had put where, how much I had of any particular drug and the amount I would have to take on the trip. My anxiety levels were sky-high, I was near to tears and panicking.
In the normal course of events I would have simply calculated what needed to be where, how much was needed and how I was going to get it. But this wasn’t the normal course of events. “Normal” has changed, and it’s hellish scary.
Apart from the drug debacle, I am feeling anxious about how I shall cope at my mother’s. Previously, visits have entailed dashing about, sorting, organising, chucking out and going out. I just don’t know how much energy I shall have to be able to carry out my usual tasks. I like to be able to help my mother during my visits and to take her out and about but I do feel somewhat anxious at the prospect. This is the first time I have seen her since Tiredness began attacking me so it will be a new experience all round.