FPR’s mother is still in hospital, with all that it entails. She rings me, asking if I will do something for her, then gives instructions in her own particular way. Often the tasks are clearly unnecessary and unlikely to yield any positive result, which makes it difficult to be enthusiastic in the carrying out of them. The trouble is that these tasks take a heavy toll. They drain what little energy I have – and, believe me, it is very little.
You know what it’s like when someone is in hospital: there are telephone calls, more telephone calls and even more telephone calls; chasing round trying to find things the patient has asked for; walking and caring for the patient’s dog; miles and miles of extra driving, much of it on unfamiliar routes; meals at peculiar times because of visiting hours and travelling time to and from the hospital; trying to fit in ordinary day-to-day appointments, and so on. Then there’s the cost…
The cost I am talking about isn’t financial, it’s physical. I am feeling constantly drained and, because I am so exhausted, that is interfering with my sleep pattern. For the past couple of weeks I have been lucky to manage four or five hours at night, and, on several occasions, it has been much less than that. It is taking a heavy toll. The more tired I become, the more problems I encounter with my sleeping, the more pain I have, the foggier my brain is and the more unwell I feel.
As I said, it’s very expensive.