Do you remember the old Football Pools? That desperately important form that had to have crosses marked in an array of tiny boxes, to indicate which matches you thought were going to end in a draw. There was a phrase connected with “the pools” which was along the lines of “Perm any two from three”. I didn’t understand what it meant except that I think it was connected with how many draws one had to predict out of the number of crosses entered.
What has all that to do with Fibro? Well, in my last post I talked about back pain and about which of three things might have been the cause, and now, I think I have it sussed. I have whittled the options down, getting rid of two of them so I quite liked the idea of using that, apparently, redundant phrase.
I am pretty sure that the back pain is attributable to my fall on Christmas Day. Admittedly, the actual pain is different now from how it had been, but no chest infection has developed and I am still fatigued. In fact, it has been a toss-up this week as to whether the fatigue or the back pain have been more of a nuisance. On balance, I think it would have to be fatigue as, when I have had to have a rest due to fatigue, I haven’t done anything for quite some time whilst sitting. Usually, I would do some knitting, sewing or crochet, or surf the net whilst resting, but I have been too exhausted even to do any of those things. When I have had to have a break solely due to back pain, I have usually been able to do something to amuse myself, whilst resting.
Fatigue is definitely having an impact on how I live my life, at the moment. No, let me be honest, it has been having quite an effect for several months. I find that I really cannot be certain that I will be able to fulfil commitments that necessitate a journey away from home. That uncertainty creates in me a degree of anxiety and lack of confidence. I know that family and friends are aware that I have this problem and I think they understand that sometimes I have to cancel at the last minute, but it can’t be much fun for them. I also know that they worry about me, which upsets me. I don’t want to be a worry or burden. I want to be the partner/mother/Nana/friend that they enjoy spending time with, not the one they are worried about. This message is for them:
I am OK. Fibromyalgia is a pain in the bottom. While I do need you to make allowances for the restrictions it sometimes imposes on me, I am OK. I feel rotten for a while, then I start to feel less rotten, or perhaps even quite good, then I get back to feeling [my] normal. Generally I am coping with it. I am finding ways of living with it and altering how I do things. The main thing I am trying to do is live each day as it comes.