I wrote on here recently about trust and confidence when living with Fibromyalgia. It is a subject which often kicks about in my mind.
I think that, upon meeting me for the first time, most people think that I have oodles of self-confidence. I am aware that I often come across to others as brash and in-your-face. However, that is not confidence. In fact, it is the exact opposite. When I am in a new situation I either go very quiet and melt into the wall, or I take a deep breath, grasp my own lapels (metaphorically speaking) and charge in to the situation, me and my outspoken-ness. Don’t worry, I’m not intending to get all philosophical or psychological about that side of me.
Another thing that I am known for and which is a more accurate insight into my character, is my honesty. By honesty, I mean that if someone requests my opinion, I tend to be honest, rather than saying what the other person is hoping to hear. Obviously, if someone simply needs a bit of a confidence boost, I will give an appropriate. However, I really don’t understand why people ask for someone’s honest opinion when, actually, what they want is for you to puff up their ego with as many lies as you can muster. There are occasions when someone benefits from the honest opinion of another, as I hope the following anecdote shows.
Little Sis and I were shopping in Exeter and were in the Ladies’ department of a well-known department store. There was a lady who was trying on an outfit to wear as Mother of the Bride. The shop assistant who was ‘helping’ her was telling her how lovely the outfit looked and the lady’s husband obviously would have said a purple banana suit was exactly right if it meant he could escape more quickly. Little Sis and I saw this tableau and both agreed that the outfit was, most definitely, not right. The lady, herself, was very hesitant and clearly not convinced about the outfit so I quietly whispered in her ear, apologising for interfering, saying that the outfit wasn’t the right one. She looked relieved and thanked me for my comment. Later in the day we bumped into the same couple again. The lady’s face was wreathed in smiles as she told us that, since seeing her earlier in the day, she had found and bought the perfect outfit to wear to her daughter’s wedding. We were really pleased for her.
This week someone, whom I know gives honest opinions, was very complimentary about something I had done. Those words meant a huge amount to me, the more so because they were completely unexpected and uncanvassed. My confidence in my own abilities has taken a battering recently because of (i) the silly mistakes I’ve made which appear to be due to Fibro Fog and (ii) having to pull out of various activities, which gave those comments added significance for me. By and large, I do prefer people to be honest about my work and/or achievements. That’s not to say that I take them lying down! I don’t promise to change something just because it has been suggested to me – I never have been any good at doing as I was told! However, if I have asked for an opinion, for example, on how an item of clothing looks on me, I would prefer to be given an honest response which I can then take into consideration when deciding on my next step. Like everyone else, I make mistakes, but how can I learn from them if I’m not aware that I’ve made them?
*For those of you who don’t know, the Blue Mountains get their name from the highly flammable blue mist which comes off the eucalyptus trees. For those of you who already knew that, don’t read this paragraph!