The Radical Option

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Do you ever go “commando”? Or ride bareback? If you do you’ll be able to identify with what I’m about to do…

I went to see Dr. Azeer this morning – oh, and that is a story in itself! Anyway, to get back to the point, I saw him to discuss the side effects of the Amitriptyline that I have been experiencing i.e. nausea. As usual, he asked me a few questions about what has been happening, in order to get a feel for how life is treating me, before moving on to health matters. At that point I explained that I had reduced my dose of Amitriptyline due to the nausea and that, when I put the dose back up, the nausea had returned. We reviewed the medications that I had tried and what the next step could be. He mentioned the possibility of trying Pregabalin. However, I wasn’t keen on taking it. I don’t really know why I was reluctant, I certainly hadn’t had any feelings about it one way or the other prior to going into see him. This was where things got radical! I suggested not taking Pregabalin but, rather, going without any medication for the Fibromyalgia, for a while.

I explained that the Fibro had been behaving quite well recently. I also told him about what my younger son had said concerning the possibility of the Fibro getting better now that the “cause” of it had gone. We agreed that it would be worth me having a period without taking any medication specifically for the Fibro. As I said to him, if the Fibro starts causing problems I can always contact him to ask for some medication.

So, that’s it: I’m going ‘commando’! I’m living with the Fibro without my (drugs) clothes on. Wish me luck!

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Onward And Upward.

A very special gateway...
A very special gateway…

Things have been a bit odd over the past two or three weeks. The Fibromyalgia has been “different”. I was prepared, or as prepared as one can be, for a full-on Fibro Flare, but I wasn’t prepared for “different”. I was taken by surprise.

What do I mean by “different”? Well, the bits and pieces of symptoms that I have had, have behaved differently from how they usually are. For example, today I have been having pain in my legs, but it has felt different. Also, I have had stabbing pains in my hands, as well as my feet – I’ve not experienced those pains in my hands before. The dizziness has also been different from previous occasions. Unfortunately the nausea has been awful. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is due to the Amytriptyline so I have reduced my dose by 10mg – but don’t tell Dr. Azeer because I haven’t told him yet. 🤔 I certainly haven’t had a flare-up during these last three weeks and for that I am extremely grateful. There has been so much to do: telephone calls made and received; appointments with all and sundry, in various locations; information to find; decisions to make; places to go; packing to do; clearing; avoiding nosey gossips. (As for nosey neighbours, here’s a handy tip: ** it’s amazing how useful the phrase “Well, you know…” can be – it answers the enquiry without actually revealing anything!)

At the moment life is less stressful than it has been. In fact, yesterday someone commented that I look really well – and, when I looked in the mirror, I saw that it was right! I DO look well. I look much better than I have for a long time. I’m hoping that things continue like this for a while, so that I have time to really enjoy it. We’ll have to see how that goes, won’t we?

Since Last We Met….

A gift from a lovely lady
A gift from a lovely lady

Much has happened since my last post: some rather amusing, some most definitely not. A considerable amount of activity was centred in or around hospital and/or medical staff.

On Wednesday of last week the goal posts were moved. It marked a huge sea-change affecting some of the stress that I have been under for the past two months or so.

Thursday brought forth an unbelievably good blood pressure reading, despite what life was bombarding me with. And then things got worse…

Throughout all the trauma, the Fibromyalgia has been kept at bay by the adrenalin surging through my veins. However, I am very aware that when life calms down I am likely to go into an enormous Fibro Flare, but there is little I can do to prevent it. For the time being, I am trying not to overdo things, but it’s not easy. I have a huge amount to do, much of which has a deadline, but I am trying to remember to rest in between tasks. It is very easy to slip into the mindset of “It’s easier to do it myself” but I am trying not to do that – seldom successfully. I am using various strategies to make things easier. For example, I am working on one thing at a time and then, when that task is complete, I move on to the next task. Working like that seems to reduce the amount of stress I feel.

I am also making copious notes. My brain is a little “Fibro-foggy” so making notes is helping me to keep track of what I am doing, what I have done and what I need to do. This particular aspect is not always as useful as it could be as various people are not hearing what I am telling them, resulting in them acting inappropriately and, consequently, creating more work.

The next thing I am doing is keeping things organised. There is a logic to what I am doing, although others may not think so! Things have been placed where they are for specific reasons so woe betide anyone who moves something that I have put in a particular place!

Space and time are looking as though they will be problematic but I think, if I continue plodding along, that I should be able to keep things under control.

As for the Fibro, I have been having more dizzy spells than I usually do and my sleep pattern is currently very disturbed. Oh yes, and the stabbing pains in my feet are dancing attendance, as is the anxiety!

All things considered, it’s a wonder that I haven’t ended up an absolute wreck, even without the Fibro. I am definitely thankful for small mercies. Long may they continue!

A Very Strange Sensation

Looking forward to my "special place"
Looking forward to my “special place”

There was something odd about Sunday, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. A strange sensation that I knew should be familiar, although I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. By Monday morning, however, I had realised what was different… I wasn’t feeling completely stressed out. In fact, I think I would almost go so far as to say that I was really rather r-e-l-a-x-e-d. Yes, really! It’s no wonder I didn’t immediately recognise it as it’s been a while since I have felt that way.

And, it didn’t just happen on Sunday: it continued in to Monday, and even Tuesday. It felt absolutely, bl**dy amazing! Not only that, but there was precious little evidence of the Fibromyalgia to be found on those days.

Ooh, I really enjoyed that light-headed feeling! Which was just as well, as I was back down with a bump yesterday: feeling myself winding up, familiar twinges of Fibro-related pain and tiredness leaping upon me, making me feel decidedly unwell and that awful dizziness compounding matters. Luckily, the tiredness and feeling unwell lifted after I had gone to bed in the afternoon and rested for a couple of hours. I usually don’t like to return to bed during the day but, yesterday, bed felt like the only place that would help.

Today has been different again. Today I have been literally faced by one of the two enormously stressful situations that are going on in my life at the moment. You could be forgiven for thinking that I had turned into a politician today as, clearly, there have been questions that have had to be asked and difficult decisions to be made. I am on the horns of a dilemma. I try to be a truthful and honest person, but sharing the truth with two of the most important people in my life will cause each of them pain and anguish. On the other hand, if I lie to them, instead… well, I’m lying to them, aren’t I? And I’m being dishonest, at a time when they deserve the respect my being honest would afford them.

It would be fair to say that I am currently in an unenviable position. Not only that, but so are the other most important people in my life: they can see what is happening but are powerless to help.

I cannot express how thankful I am that the Fibro is allowing me to function. I really don’t know what I would do if the inevitable flare-up were to appear in the midst of all this.

All Bets Are Off

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I spoke too soon. I should have just kept quiet, shouldn’t I? Why did I tempt fate?

Although I don’t think I had mentioned it on here, when speaking to friends, if they asked me how things were going, I was able to tell them that the biggest stresses in my life had eased a bit in the last few days. Huh! That didn’t last long so “all bets are off”!

Yesterday morning I decided to have my breakfast quite soon after getting up: I was hungry as I hadn’t eaten much on Saturday. Breakfast consisted on two slices of toast so it wasn’t exactly huge. A while later, I was hammered by fatigue, but not just fatigue: it was accompanied by overwhelming nausea. I felt very, very unwell. I was torn between lying down to sleep or ‘dashing’ (yeah, right!) to the bathroom. The urge to sleep won.

Now, nausea is a difficult one as there are several possible causes:
Fibromyalgia,
Gastric bug, or
Amitriptyline.

As well as the nausea, the rest of my digestive system felt a bit dodgy. It didn’t feel the way it normally would if I had a bug, but it certainly didn’t feel good. So, given the evidence, it seemed reasonable to assume that I had picked up a bug. That meant that I had to cancel a proposed visit from my son and his family – really disappointing.

Eventually, as the day wore on, I started to feel better, although far from good, making me realise that it wasn’t a bug that had caused the nausea. Oh well, probably the Fibro, then. Normal service resumed and, as that happened, all those ‘lovely’ stresses began to reappear, beginning with my mother. Those mother-related problems built up and up, causing my stress level to similarly increase, and now my sister’s condition is becoming more worrisome as well.

Do you know what? Sometimes, just sometimes, life stinks!

There is one good thing about Fibro, though. Yes, there really is – for me, anyway. It gives me cold feet! Yes, I know – I’m weird. But, for years and years and years I have suffererd from hot feet, so for my feet to be cold is sheer bliss!